ColumnistUnholy

Morsusmania

Uhhh… hearing it for the first time?

Well, the name “Morsus” itself can tell you it’s story. Morsus is the Latin word for ‘biting’ and Morsusmania is an unbridled enthusiasm for “biting”. Don’t pause reading and google it now, Google can give you nothing but the definition of Morsusmania. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anyone from history, with Morsusmania but I was fortunate enough to date one Morsus King, my sweet little Dracula!

Okay, let’s call him Dracula!

Imagine dating a Morsusmaniac.

First date scenario: Restaurant:

-little chit chats- ordered food-
While eating it strikes me that he has a rolled paper napkin in his hand and after our starters while waiting for the main course, I started talking to him (I normally talk too much). And it caught my attention that he is biting and chewing the paper napkin he holds in his hand. Weirdo.!! What is he doing?? Is he ruining the date? Should I buy him a Lollypop.?? or he forget his pacifier at home??

Well, I have forgiven him for being bad mannered, He is a good listener.

It was our time to say bye for the day and I kind of liked him. And what I like the most about our first date is the tiny ticklish bite he gave on my pinkie finger while leaving. And believe me, that was too sweet and I haven’t felt anything abnormal about it.

Days passed, so our dates were.

-Play a love song, buddy-

Soon, I moved into Dracula’s castle and life was too good until I found myself with red marks all over me. Ohh my good Lord.! too many mosquitos here?? or its Loveeeebiteess?? I know! it’s my Dracula’s love from last night. Awww..how romantic!

Wait… it isn’t very romantic… go back to the first date… what was with the paper napkin.?? My pinky finger?? now look at me?? That’s where I realized he is a Morsusmaniac, my Dracula.

I did what everyone would do in such a situation. Googled the reason why a person develops such an obsession, symptoms and cure. Alas!! There is nothing google knows about it apart from the epidemic biting mania in the 15th Century and that has nothing to do with this little son of Bram Stoker.

As I started noticing more, I realized it’s a worst mental condition, a weird obsession. How can I help him get out of it?

Seeing your partner biting a wood chip, elastic, eraser and nearly anything he gets around him! That’s bad.

I do not want to see my partner chewing my silicone pads when I come out from bath all fresh and sexy for him.

Ohh baby… don’t be a turnoff.

Where is my long, beautifully painted fingernails? One morning I wake up and realized my fingers look ghostly with broken nails.

Mhmm..a good choice of midnight snack honey.

My head sent me alerts: ‘Women, leave him. don’t just walk away-RUNNNN”.

But the most difficult thing for a woman (at least for me) to decide is to leave a man who is extremely good in bed.

No, I am not leaving him, I am crazy about my morsus king, it’s true that when we are in love, a part of our brain shuts down.

I disconnect the alert wire of my brain and started buying boxes of chewing gums for him.
That worked.! That really worked!!

But only one thing I am confused about now is “am I dating a GOAT?”

I can hear nothing but chewing sound.
-nom nom nom-BGM, buddy-
Well, I do not miss his presence much- I can easily smell a chewing gum and feel his presence around me.

That’s the reason I carry chewing gums to office and blush whenever I chew it.
Ohh My Morsus baby, I can feel you whenever I want, no matter where I am at.

How wonderful it is to have a guy whom you only have to gift munchies!
Try dating a maniac-It’s FUN!

(Author of Unholy Column – Aadhi Adhira)

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