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Alluvind Kejriwal ‘Vaathi Coming’

GoaChronicle got in touch with Teddy the Coronavirus.

He has been doing the rounds of Delhi lately while his best friend Jinny the Coronavirus has been enjoying his stay in Mumbai.

Both coronaviruses got their names from global personalities – President of China Xi Jinping and Director General of the World Health Organisation Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus – who are reportedly good friends.

In our conversation with Teddy, we realized, that Teddy was exasperated by the people of Delhi and their brash behavior. He was most upset with Alluvind Kejriwal. Here is his story:

“Hi I am Teddy Roosevelt. You can call me Ted Ros or plain Teddy. I need to tell the people of India my story and I am grateful for GoaChronicle for giving me an opportunity to express the discrimination meted out to me and coronaviruses like me.

I had infected Raju. When he was COVID positive, he sat at home watching Republic TV. In between the news shows, there was this funny-looking man with a strange mustache and annoying face talking about youth and being safe from coronaviruses. Every few minutes this man, named Kejriwal came on screen, repeating the message. It really got to me. But I bore it.

After I left Raju when he moved on to another world, I infected Sharmila.  Being afraid of the pandemic, she sat at home not wanting to go to work. She did not even take a COVID-test. She too got hooked on the TV, she started watching India Today. Here again, this man with an annoying face and voice was on the screen. This man seemed to be self-obsessed about seeing himself in advertisements. I called up my other coronavirus friends, they too were getting fed up with this man’s advertisements. Our only entertainment is TV and there we have to see Kejriwal on TV.

I had  enough with the people in Delhi – Raju, Sharmila, Rafiq, Manoj, Shikha, Bablu, Junaid, Jimmy, Ifra, John, Francis, and Pappu. I decided that I needed a break. But before I tell you about my break, let me tell you about this person named Pappu.

This Pappu person lived in a nice house in Delhi. He was surrounded by several dogs and some humans who were acting like pet dogs. His mother came to see him and she seemed to be annoyed about some issue, she wanted some spiritual guidance because of the pandemic, so she was planning to call someone in the Vatican. After the call, when she was then further disturbed, she kept murmuring ‘Soros, Soros’. Maybe in her visits to Goa, she realized the importance of ‘Soros Juak Boros’.

I must tell you this, the Pappu person sat at home and constantly threw darts on the dartboard that had a picture of the Indian Santa Claus, who is also seen quite often on TV channels and posters in India. People like him. He is like some rockstar because he was singing the ‘Didi O Didi’ a new version of the song by the Arab music artist Khaled and people were shouting hysterically.

I decided to leave Delhi and take a break. No better place than Goa to get a break from Delhi. Everyone from Delhi comes to Goa.

I infected, a Goan named Climax. I thought maybe with such a unique name Climax, I might get to experience some climax in Goa – the land of fun in India. Climax turned out to be an anti-climax. I bet both parents regretted his birth and that’s why out of bad memories they named him Climax. Because all that Climax did was sit, watch TV while sipping on a beer, eating fried fish, and burping like a wild boar. And he was also obsessed with the news – he was fixated on the WION channel. To my horrible fate, here again, I saw that advertisement with the annoying and irritating voice on TV. Most irritating however was the fact that some people in Climax’s locality came home one day not knowing that I had infected him with pamphlets talking about bringing a revolution in Goa with the face of the annoying man on TV on the pamphlets.

I had to ensure this man Climax moved on to a better life. So I decided to infect one of his friends, Sinetra. She was quite a Goan woman. Even with me infecting her, she continued to take her bike and roam all over Calangute and Candolim. She was a wild cat but she behaved herself decently. She had quite an irritating brother at home who for some reason was obsessed with news and there we go again on most TV channels her brother, switched this man Kejriwal, kept talking and talking. In fact, he appeared more on the TV, than the anchors of the TV shows.

Give me a break people. I am just a coronavirus doing my job as told me by Xi Jinping and I am now on a holiday in Goa because everyone says ‘Go Goa 365 Days’. I do not need to be tortured like this with people watching TV and forcing me to see this irritating man called Kejriwal every time. When I infect people, I too want to enjoy the life of a human. This cannot be the life of humans, to switch on the TV and see Kejriwal.

I have decided to infect one of this new AAP leaders in Goa. She was in Congress before and was known to do Rahul Ji, Rahul Ji when in Congress but she got one big Jumla from the Congress. Now she is doing Kejriwalji Kejriwalji. She is to be in Delhi soon. I will get a chance to meet this Kejriwal character and give him peace of my mind so that we coronavirus can have peace of mind. Let him feel the irritation of seeing me – Ted Ros every 10-minutes. I will show who is the Vaathi.

Kejriwal! Vaathi Coming!

P.S Note: Teddy the Coronavirus has Chinese genes, so he pronounces Arvind Kejriwal as Alluvind Kejriwal. Just like Fried Rice is Flied Lice.


Savio Rodrigues

Savio Rodrigues Founder & Editor-in-Chief
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