Well, folks, it finally happened. President Donald J. Trump, the man who once vowed to “bomb the hell out of terrorists,” has now officially graduated to bromancing one.
In what could only be described as the political equivalent of kissing your enemy on the cheek and inviting him to a barbecue, Trump shook hands with Ahmad al-Sharaa, the new “interim president” of Syria—yes, that Syria—yes, that al-Sharaa—former chief of Hay’at Tahrir al-Sham, an outfit so cozy with al-Qaeda they used to share calendars and Christmas cards.
The historic (read: hysterical) handshake took place in Riyadh, of course, because when world order collapses, Saudi Arabia tends to host the buffet. One day after lifting decades of U.S. sanctions on Syria—a policy in place since disco was still a thing—Trump decided that meeting a man with a résumé that reads like a Homeland Security nightmare was not just appropriate, but “refreshing.”
Let’s be clear. Ahmad al-Sharaa didn’t just rise through the ranks of a neighborhood watch committee. He was the poster child of an organization whose idea of a peaceful transition is swapping suicide vests for business suits. But to Trump, that’s just savvy branding.
“He’s a young, attractive, tough guy,” Trump declared, eyes twinkling with admiration. “He’s got a very strong past.”
Strong past? The last time someone said that about a former terrorist, it was during a CIA interrogation—with electrodes.
But in Trump’s universe, where reality is optional and alternative facts are a legitimate currency, this handshake is the equivalent of Jesus meeting Judas and offering him a LinkedIn recommendation.
Let us not underestimate the true genius behind this move. Years of American foreign policy spent isolating, sanctioning, and condemning Syria have now been efficiently erased in the time it takes Trump to admire a man’s haircut. One can only assume that all this happened at the request of the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, Mohammed bin Salman—because nothing screams “moral compass” like a man who once allegedly used a bone saw for diplomacy.
Of course, Trump’s statement was classic Trump: “I looked into his eyes, and I saw someone who can do a great job. Maybe the best job. People are saying it’s the best handshake I’ve ever given.”
It’s almost poetic. George W. Bush once confused Iraq for Syria. Barack Obama drew red lines he never crossed. Joe Biden sent strongly worded emails. And now, Donald Trump has hugged the chaos and given it a five-star Yelp review.
The U.S. State Department, which presumably had a collective aneurysm upon hearing of this rendezvous, is reportedly updating its glossary of diplomatic terms. “Pariah state” is now being replaced by “emerging partner with gritty leadership potential.” “Designated terrorist” is now “freedom-centric disruptor.”
What comes next? A White House dinner with Boko Haram’s cultural attaché? Maybe an Instagram Live with Kim Jong-un over gluten-free Korean barbecue? Perhaps Trump’s new podcast: “From Pariah to President: How to Win Friends and Influence Infidels.”
But let’s give credit where it’s due. Trump, in all his unpredictable glory, has always believed in the power of personal chemistry. He sized up Kim, shook hands with Putin, fist-bumped MBS, and now, in what should be considered the final boss level of irony, shook the hand of a man who once made videos threatening the U.S. on YouTube.
It’s diplomacy, Trump-style—equal parts spectacle, confusion, and narcissism.
And what of Ahmad al-Sharaa? Well, he’s gone from caves to conference rooms, from AK-47s to Armani. He stood next to Trump like a man who just realized his life has been upgraded from Most Wanted to Most Welcomed. Al-Sharaa later posted a photo of the handshake on his X (formerly Twitter) account with the caption: “From jihad to GOP—#Blessed.”
America, meanwhile, is still trying to figure out whether this is the dawn of a new Middle East or just the sequel to Wag the Dog written by a drunk AI.
In any case, Trump has redefined diplomacy yet again. And if this is what it takes to make Syria “great again,” then maybe we should all brace ourselves for Season 2 of The Apprentice: Caliphate Edition.
Because when Donald Trump shakes hands with a former terrorist, it’s not policy—it’s performance art. And like all great acts of theatre, it’s equal parts captivating, absurd, and slightly dangerous.
Curtains, please.
