I am 49 years old and I am married to a man 19 years my senior…

I am 49 years old and I am married to a man 19 years my senior. The marriage was not a consenting one as I was married off by my parents so I would stop seeing my the-then paramour from college. I have two grown up children and have been married for 30 years now. He drinks, abuses and I have a very unhappy married life which I only live for my children. I feel choked and suppressed. What should I do?


Find a life for yourself. Are you financially independent? Are you academically qualified? Today there are so many courses that one can take on the internet, look around for a course you could pursue. Are your children still living at home?  Take your children in to confidence and get them to help you. What did you want to do / become, when you got married? Were you interested in anything in particular? Does anything excite you?   Anything that can keep you busy for a few hours a day? You need to start making a habit of having a fixed time in a day which you can give to yourself, to grow and to develop. Look for part time jobs that you can take. There would be women’s organisations in your locality that have activity for home makers. If you are financially sound, then maybe you can volunteer at a home for children or the aged.  Was your husband abusive from before? Was he drinking alcohol when you married him?  Alcoholism is a disease that needs to be treated.  Unfortunately  many do not want to rid of this affliction, yet I feel that at least some attempt needs to be made to get   medical / psychiatrist’s help to curtail the issues related to alcoholism and abuse in the family. Your husband should now be about 68 years old and may be requiring some   check-ups and medications. I would suggest that a routine check-up be done to reveal underlying medical issues if any. Psychiatric history of the family also will help in understanding the alcoholism and the abusive nature of the man.


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