Sunday, I went for a grocery shopping, to my surprise I met my very close and old friend with whom I had lost contact in the last few years. I couldn’t control my happiness as I was seeing her almost after ages. After college, we were in contact over the phone and through emails but eventually; we lost the touch as she went to another city for a job, and later after marriage, she got settled there. Due to the loss of contact, I didn’t know that she is back in the city and staying in the nearby areas. I could see equal happiness on her face as on mine. We chatted for a while, exchanged our contact details, and left. While departing I could roughly read her eyes, she wanted to talk and so as I but due to lack of time we couldn’t.
Though I was back home but was still thinking about her, somehow I felt she wanted to talk about something. Immediately I called her and met for a coffee. She also agreed. We met the other day and started with a casual discussion. How’s the job, married life, kids, parents, in-laws, etc. As we always say, “Everything is going well”. She replied the same. Suddenly I felt like asking, How are you? Which we usually miss asking. Then she said, “Yaar don’t know what’s going on around me, felt like lost these days” she continued…
I am breathing and alive but feel I am not Living Life. I lost that smile on my face, the zeal of doing something which I always like to do and make me happy. There are always some weird thoughts going on in my mind. I feel like I am trying to find something, but what I don’t know. My mind is running in various directions but it’s not reaching anywhere. What I am searching for? What is that I am looking for? Am I expecting much from myself or someone else? Why do I feel irritable always? Is there something that is missing out in my life? Have I lost my mental health? Do I need to see a doctor? How am I supposed to survive with this, can I ever come out of this?
She continued you know I was very confident since childhood and never ran away from taking challenges in life. There are various failures and setbacks. Many times I broke but then again gathered courage and stood strong to face life.
But suddenly what happened now, why can’t I overcome this situation. My mind has stopped working, I feel like losing out on everything.
After marriage, I tried my best to fulfil everyone’s expectations. I am also taking good care of family, relatives, etc. After having a child it was very difficult to manage both but still giving me total strength. Still, something is missing out.
Being a woman feels like a curse. Life around women is just full of expectations, as a daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, and mother. But the fact of life is you don’t belong to anyone. There is absolutely no sense of belongingness in any of these relations.
Parents feel that their daughter should be full sanskari, should always do what they say. She should study well, look after her health, maintain her figure (for marriage purposes), should also know cooking well. Post marriage you have to prove yourself as the best wife and bahu (daughter-in-law). In-laws want you to forget about your own identity and devote yourself to their families. Again you never get acceptance from them and always treated as an outsider. Husband only wants from you is to keep everyone around happy and keep smiling face ever. I have no right to get angry or speak against injustice or to justify any dam allegation they put on. Expectations at work are also ever-ending. They pay us so we are their slaves; keep doing things they want us to do. HR policies of “Work-Life Balance “is the big irony of life.
Fulfilling everyone’s expectations is the only aim in my life?
She stopped; there was silence for a while. She wiped her tears and said, “Let it be, nothing is going to change in life.”
Listened to her quietly because I knew it’s important for her to talk. I could relate with her on certain things and also could agree on the fact that nothing is going to change overnight. I would say still 90-95% of Indian women are facing such problems in their life.
Time was required to take her out of this situation. I knew she is strong enough to deal with such an issue but need someone to stand by her. So we met every week and talk about whatever we feel like. That “ME-TIME” was necessary for her life. It’s very essential to let things go from mind and heart. When we can’t change things, then it’s better to forget them for good. There are several things where you can engage your mind and come out of it.
Communication is very important in every relationship. If you are distressed then the first thing you should do is talk to someone, maybe your friend, buddy, kids, mother, siblings husband, etc. If you feel that none of them would understand you then u can even talk to some strangers or simply start writing about it. It’s important to wash out things from the mind, it won’t change the situation but the impact would surely reduce.
Continuous distress leads to depression. Depression is not a disease, but it’s a situation. If you could handle it on time, then the loss will be less.
Women are a beautiful creation of god but most of the time she is ill-treated, misbehaved, blamed and even tortured mentally physically.
She is very well capable of doing everything, delivering babies, earning money, managing the house, taking care of the family. The only thing she expects is ‘Respect’. In our countrymen and women’s equality is Myth and it’s only on paper for official purposes.
If a woman wants to start a business, no one supports her, everyone tries and demotivates her saying that she can’t do it. Funding for her start-up is again a challenge. If she applies for a job, then she is asked about a plan for marriage and babies. Every family wants her daughter to be highly educated but when it comes to marriage, she is asked to compromise. In-laws always want a girl coming from a very well financial background, highly educated, beautiful. Post marriage they aren’t even ready to accept her work timing, they want her to cook, do household chores which he had never done at her parents’ place. One can’t get everything. The change process needs time. Don’t be surprised to know that even today post-marriage she is insisted to change her name on all her official documents. Thankfully, now Indian Government is allowing women to keep their maiden name post marriage.
In India, husband and wife returns home together, do a job of equal efforts earn the same amount of money but the wife is expected to give a glass of water to the husband, make tea for him and then cook. Why can’t they share responsibilities? You appreciate it when your son-in-law helps your daughter but can’t see your son doing it. Mothers, it’s now your job to educate your son and groom him for the upcoming life. Fathers show empathy when their daughter faces certain situations in life but he being a man never understands that his wife is also a woman. Husband changing the diaper of a child or feeding a baby is part of parenting and nothing wrong with that. Then why people make an issue out of it. The child is a creation of both, isn’t it? So nothing is wrong if they share responsibilities.
It’s high time we should change the mentality. If you are reading this, then understand the basic analogy of the situations which you would have come across in your life or you may have to face it in the future. Try to be kinder and more human when you behave. Your actions may have a serious impact on someone else’s life.
Live and let Live!
Article By: Radhika Kashikar