ColumnistSoulonomics

Stand up to the bully in your life!

There is really only one rule to life. You are born to be happy and free. You are not a doormat or inferior to any other human.

At every step in our lives we will always find people who try to overpower us mentally, emotionally and physically. The need to make other submissive is so dominant in most humans.

I often hear friends complain about their jobs, about senior colleagues and bosses. My first question to them is always; why do you continue to be humiliated and distressed? And most often I get a reply that it is a good job, I might not get another job or life is a struggle and this is my cross to bear. I empathize with such individuals but at the same time also laugh at their foolishness because they have allowed for themselves to become doormat to the egos, insecurities and bad attitude of senior colleagues or bosses.

I have a simple yardstick to measure if a person is working keeping your betterment in mind or just being a bully at workplace. A boss that takes you aside shows you where you are wrong and encourages you to do better in the confines of his cabin, is a boss that values you. He holds your self-respect up. The exact opposite of someone who is not working in your interest is someone who constantly ridicules and humiliates you in front of others at the slightest provocation. Those are not leaders, they are bosses, who have to prove to themselves first and the world that they are important. Bullying makes they attain that importance. If you have such a boss and you are the target of the attack, then unless you stand up to the bullying, you will surely be a doormat.

Like work relationships, marriage relationships too have their fair share of dominance and submissions. I have sat in conversations with women who have been victims of mental, emotional and physical abuse by their spouses. In most cases they suffer the doormat treatment because they feel that this is their destiny. Sometimes they do not the confidence to walk-out, sometimes it is because of the children in their relationship or sometimes it is because they are so blinded in their love that being a doormat is normal and part of love.

I often like to highlight the words of the Jesus, who gave his disciples just two commandments to follow. The second of those commandments being, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

Such a powerful message!

Many people in varied relationships who are victims of mental, emotional and physical abuse at home or their workplace assume that their sacrifice stems from the love they have for their neighbor. But how can you claim to love another human when you do not love yourself and allow yourself to be subjugated to such treatment. The simple fact is that you do not love yourself. You assume you love your spouse or respect your boss but the truth is that you do not love them either, you just tolerate it.

The general philosophy passed down from generations to generations is that it is normal to be a doormat. But let me tell you that it is not normal. You are not a sacrificial lamb. You are a unique person and you deserve to have your self-respect.

You hear stories of children coming home sometimes talking about a bully in the bus, or class, or playfield. If the home environment has no talk time, the children do not even talk about it. Sometimes the bullies are the teachers or senior students. If we as parents have not been able to conquer our fears of bullies, we will teach our children to do the same, become doormats.

If you feel that your life is being drained because of a bully at workplace or at home. Stand up! If you do it once and with conviction, you will save your respect no matter what the consequences because this world is full of surprises for you to lead a God-planned life.

The worst anyone can do is to harm your body, that will hurt and pain but heal. But what will be completely devastating is if we allow the bully to hurt our mind and soul. By being a victim to bullies you are putting yourself in the position to hurt your mind and soul. Fight now! You deserve much more out of life.

I don’t believe this universe has planned for you to suffer. I believe this simple truth of this universe is that you are free.

Stay positive!

Savio Rodrigues

Savio Rodrigues Founder & Editor-in-Chief GoaChronicle.com

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