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Tuesday, December 3, 2024

Take a chill pill Jaya Amitabh Bachchan!

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In the hallowed halls of Parliament, where the nation’s most pressing matters are debated, there exists a unique force of nature: Jaya Bachchan. Notorious for her quick temper and her iron will, she has become something of a legend in her own right. But is she a stalwart defender of her beliefs or just a diva of decorum? Let’s dive into the riveting drama that unfolds whenever Mrs. Bachchan graces the Parliament with her presence.

Jaya Bachchan enters the Parliament like a tempest in a teacup. The very air seems to crackle with the electricity of her impending outburst. There’s no mistaking when she’s in the house; the tremors can be felt from miles away. And woe betide anyone who dares to disagree with her—or worse, fails to acknowledge her status.

It’s not just about participation in debates; for Mrs. Bachchan, it’s a matter of commanding attention. Her voice, sharp and unyielding, cuts through the din of political discourse with the precision of a scimitar. The mere hint of a slight—whether real or imagined—is enough to ignite her fury. Her parliamentary interventions often resemble soliloquies from a Shakespearean tragedy, though with a touch less humility and a lot more invective.

In 2017, a BJP youth leader thought he could make headlines by placing a bounty on West Bengal CM Mamata Banerjee’s head. Enter Jaya Bachchan, a feminist icon and protector of women’s dignity. “Gaayon ko aap bacha sakte hai par mahilaon pe atyachar ho raha hai. Kis tarah se aap log baat kar rahe hai?” (You’ll save cows, but remain silent on the atrocities against women? How are you talking?)

In her own unique way, Jaya Bachchan channeled her inner activist, reminding everyone that when it comes to priorities, protecting women should come before bovine concerns. Or else, beware—there’s a good chance you’ll get a verbal smackdown.

Outside the Parliament, Jaya Bachchan carries her regal disdain like a crown. The press, the public, and even her fans—none are spared from her caustic remarks and icy glares. In an industry that thrives on public adulation, she appears to have mastered the art of contempt, particularly for those who dare to thrust a microphone in her face.

Paparazzi, those hapless souls, often find themselves on the receiving end of her scorn. With a single withering look, she can silence a hundred shutters clicking in unison. Her disdain for the media is legendary, and her interactions are as brief as they are brusque. One might argue that she’s simply exercising her right to privacy, but then again, when was the last time a celebrity managed to alienate the very public that built them?

Let’s rewind to March 2019. Jaya Bachchan was attending Hiroo Johar’s birthday bash, probably trying to mind her own business when a fan, clearly unaware of the risks, tried to snap a photo on his mobile phone. Before he could say “cheese,” Mrs. Bachchan had already pulled him back into the world of sanskars (values) with a resounding reprimand. “Aap mobile pe kyun photo le rahe ho? Poocha mujhse aapne? Tameez seekho!” (Why are you taking photos on your phone? Did you ask me? Learn some manners!)

Jaya Bachchan’s verbal karate chop didn’t just knock the fan’s camera out of his hand; it also served as a public service announcement to any other would-be paparazzi. Forget about “Say cheese!” In Jaya-land, the new mantra is “Seekho tameez!”

Or in 2013, during Subhash Ghai’s birthday celebration, the paparazzi dared to call her daughter-in-law “Aish.” Cue Jaya Bachchan, protector of honor, who was appalled at the sheer audacity of it all. With the fury of a seasoned schoolteacher catching a student chewing gum, she fired back, “Ye Aishwarya kya hota hain huh? Tumhari class mein padhti thi kya?” (What is this Aishwarya? Did she study in your class?)

Lesson learned: if you must address Bollywood royalty, remember to append the proper titles. “Aishwarya Ma’am” or even “Aishwarya Ji” might save you from the wrath of Jaya.

Some lessons are short and sweet. Like the time in 2017 when Jaya Bachchan was on her way out from a Ganpati Darshan and a fan tried to get a selfie with her. Without missing a beat, she gave him a quick, two-word lecture: “Don’t do that, stupid!” Who needs Shakespearean soliloquies when you can convey so much with so little?

Recently, in Parliament, she provided the nation with yet another lesson in haughtiness when she found herself at odds with Deputy Chairman Harivansh during a session of the Rajya Sabha.

As is customary, when it was her turn to speak, Harivansh addressed her by her full name and title. But Jaya Bachchan, ever the advocate for simplicity, was quick to cut through the formalities with her characteristic sharpness. “Sir, sirf Jaya Bachchan bolte to kaafi hojata,” she quipped, implying that all the added titles and formalities were, well, just a bit much.

The Deputy Chairman, trying to maintain the usual decorum, pointed out that her full name was officially registered that way, as per the protocol. But Jaya wasn’t having any of it. In a display of her well-known distaste for unnecessary verbosity, she openly criticized the practice, reminding everyone that she is Jaya Bachchan and that she is entitled to her tantrums and curt behavior.

This incident isn’t just a fleeting moment of parliamentary banter—it’s a quintessential Jaya Bachchan moment, perfectly encapsulating her approach to life. Whether she’s reprimanding a fan for taking an unauthorized photo, correcting a paparazzo on the proper way to address her daughter-in-law, or throwing her tantrums in the Rajya Sabha, Jaya Bachchan is a woman who knows exactly what she wants—she wants to be treated like a ‘Diva of Decorum’ in Parliament even though as a Parliamentarian she has not done anything noteworthy in her constituency or for the nation.

Jaya Bachchan may not change the course of Indian politics, but she has certainly left an indelible mark on its proceedings. Whether she’s remembered as a fiery crusader or just a tantrum-throwing diva is up to history to decide. But one thing is certain: Parliament can do without a Jaya Amitabh Bachchan.

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